"You are dead to sin, and alive in Christ."
Where does this story even begin? Last night...? 2 years ago...? 10? 18? 2000? As I sit here thinking about that, I am beginning to lean towards the beginning of time, when the Lord said "Let there Be Light" and there was light. OR even maybe when He thought to create the world. How do I even begin to comprehend that? Maybe I should just start with last night...
Ethos Church. None can describe what I have experienced here. Each Sunday, I look forward to going to church, granted I try to be very mindful of my motivation in attendance. Do I go because, well that's what I do on Sunday night with all my friends. Or am I going because I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE HEART OF GOD. Honestly, I vacillate between the two on a weekly basis, and am often confronted with judgement of motivation as I sit in the white fold-out chairs. Better late than never...? So how did I wind up at Ethos on October 23? With a dear friend from home. And another friend I am beginning to know, but I believe will become a dear friend before I leave Lipscomb. All the way back to school from fall break, we were pumped and my friend kept saying "Tonight is going to be so good." Little did we know.
On the way to church, we passed another precious friend who got into a car wreck on the way to church...he was supposed to ride with us. He was fine, but as we moved into worship, all I could think about was the sick feeling rooted in my gut (and my friend next to me's cologne...nice but kind of strong). It was a unique day at Ethos, celebrating their third birthday with 100% of the offering going to build wells in Ethiopia. And Baptism. In a horse trough.
Thankfully the Lord, captured the mind and the heart of his very distractable daughter, aka me, through the eloquent and challenging words of the pastor Dave. And I was struck by the very horrid and yet true image of Jesus on the cross with blood spilling out of his hands. I imagined the grains in the wood that his flesh was being pounded into. The ringing of the hammer against a nail. Blood running down His side, pouring from is hands. And who was the one murdering Him? Me and my sin. Little sweet innocent Sam, yeah ME. I am a redeemed murderer. Doesn't that make you want to hurl, because I feel sick once again. I want to know that love. I want to give that love.
As we transitioned back into worship, Dave asked us to ask the Lord what He wanted from us. For me? Trust. Why is it so hard for me to trust God...like I could do it better on my own. But the thing is, I don't not WANT to trust God, it just seems at times to be contrary to my character. Which I guess it is, but I don't believe that it is beyond God's power of transformation. I have trust issues. Flat out. And unfortuately the wounds that lead me to not trust bleed over into my relationship with the only One worthy of trust. The only one who will never disappoint me, who will never forsake or abandon me. If I trust Him, I will obey. Because I want to learn to trust, I obeyed (it only took a minor heart attack to convince me though...kidding...halfway). I was struck by the thought that if I really loved Jesus like I profess I need to be willing to do anything and everything to live it out. And so I did what I have been meaning to do since that night two and a half years ago, when lying flat on my face, I realized that I NEEDED Jesus. I literally took a step of faith stepped and was baptized. But I was not alone, my sweet friend who had been saying how good tonight was going to be, well they dunked her too!
I can't begin to describe how freeing a simple act of dunking someone under the water, in a horse trough, in a bar was. No longer do I feel that gnawing feeling that I have left things undone, and have only lived out half of Jesus's commandment to repent and be baptized. I am free and whole in Him. I am "dead to sin and alive in Christ". That is unfathomable. How merciful and gracious is the King of Kings, and Lord Most High. My Savior and Redeemer. My friend and THE lover of my soul. And as I rose up from the water, a lightness settled on my shoulders, as joy overflowed from my heart and tears welled in my eyes. All the shame, and the guilt. The darkness, the pain, the fear, and feelings of inadequacy. All of that has been washed away. I can finally don the garments of purity and love with assurance and pride in my King.
I wish that my family and my friends could have rejoiced in this moment with me, but I feel confident that His Spirit was prompting me to be bold in my obedience and lay down my careful calculating, judging self and embrace the radical life He is calling me to. Now the trick is to live this out each day, and remember that I am dead to sin and this world. I am so thankful He does not leave me to figure out who to do that alone!
I'm simply in awe. Lord, let me forever be in awe of you.
"Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow."
Where does this story even begin? Last night...? 2 years ago...? 10? 18? 2000? As I sit here thinking about that, I am beginning to lean towards the beginning of time, when the Lord said "Let there Be Light" and there was light. OR even maybe when He thought to create the world. How do I even begin to comprehend that? Maybe I should just start with last night...
Ethos Church. None can describe what I have experienced here. Each Sunday, I look forward to going to church, granted I try to be very mindful of my motivation in attendance. Do I go because, well that's what I do on Sunday night with all my friends. Or am I going because I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE HEART OF GOD. Honestly, I vacillate between the two on a weekly basis, and am often confronted with judgement of motivation as I sit in the white fold-out chairs. Better late than never...? So how did I wind up at Ethos on October 23? With a dear friend from home. And another friend I am beginning to know, but I believe will become a dear friend before I leave Lipscomb. All the way back to school from fall break, we were pumped and my friend kept saying "Tonight is going to be so good." Little did we know.
On the way to church, we passed another precious friend who got into a car wreck on the way to church...he was supposed to ride with us. He was fine, but as we moved into worship, all I could think about was the sick feeling rooted in my gut (and my friend next to me's cologne...nice but kind of strong). It was a unique day at Ethos, celebrating their third birthday with 100% of the offering going to build wells in Ethiopia. And Baptism. In a horse trough.
Thankfully the Lord, captured the mind and the heart of his very distractable daughter, aka me, through the eloquent and challenging words of the pastor Dave. And I was struck by the very horrid and yet true image of Jesus on the cross with blood spilling out of his hands. I imagined the grains in the wood that his flesh was being pounded into. The ringing of the hammer against a nail. Blood running down His side, pouring from is hands. And who was the one murdering Him? Me and my sin. Little sweet innocent Sam, yeah ME. I am a redeemed murderer. Doesn't that make you want to hurl, because I feel sick once again. I want to know that love. I want to give that love.
As we transitioned back into worship, Dave asked us to ask the Lord what He wanted from us. For me? Trust. Why is it so hard for me to trust God...like I could do it better on my own. But the thing is, I don't not WANT to trust God, it just seems at times to be contrary to my character. Which I guess it is, but I don't believe that it is beyond God's power of transformation. I have trust issues. Flat out. And unfortuately the wounds that lead me to not trust bleed over into my relationship with the only One worthy of trust. The only one who will never disappoint me, who will never forsake or abandon me. If I trust Him, I will obey. Because I want to learn to trust, I obeyed (it only took a minor heart attack to convince me though...kidding...halfway). I was struck by the thought that if I really loved Jesus like I profess I need to be willing to do anything and everything to live it out. And so I did what I have been meaning to do since that night two and a half years ago, when lying flat on my face, I realized that I NEEDED Jesus. I literally took a step of faith stepped and was baptized. But I was not alone, my sweet friend who had been saying how good tonight was going to be, well they dunked her too!
I can't begin to describe how freeing a simple act of dunking someone under the water, in a horse trough, in a bar was. No longer do I feel that gnawing feeling that I have left things undone, and have only lived out half of Jesus's commandment to repent and be baptized. I am free and whole in Him. I am "dead to sin and alive in Christ". That is unfathomable. How merciful and gracious is the King of Kings, and Lord Most High. My Savior and Redeemer. My friend and THE lover of my soul. And as I rose up from the water, a lightness settled on my shoulders, as joy overflowed from my heart and tears welled in my eyes. All the shame, and the guilt. The darkness, the pain, the fear, and feelings of inadequacy. All of that has been washed away. I can finally don the garments of purity and love with assurance and pride in my King.
I wish that my family and my friends could have rejoiced in this moment with me, but I feel confident that His Spirit was prompting me to be bold in my obedience and lay down my careful calculating, judging self and embrace the radical life He is calling me to. Now the trick is to live this out each day, and remember that I am dead to sin and this world. I am so thankful He does not leave me to figure out who to do that alone!
I'm simply in awe. Lord, let me forever be in awe of you.
"Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow."
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