Giving Thanks

I am so thankful to be home this Thanksgiving for TEN WHOLE DAYS! I didn't realize how much I needed that time until I got home. I am so thankful for many things, but I'll share a few:
1. Food that is made with love
2. The ability to burn candles (illegal in the dorms...not cool, but safe...I suppose)
3. Baths (not showers where you have to wear sandals)
4. Getting to hug my family whenever I want how ever much I want. It makes me so happy just to see my mom's face each morning, and to snuggle up with my daddy. I never realized how much I valued them until I didn't get to see them everyday. And of course my rascally little sister, who has become so inquisitive and increasingly literate since I saw her a month ago! It's kinda crazy to see the things I am learning in psychology pan out right before my very eyes in her. And my brother. Gotta love that kid...and he reminds me of the mess I was when I was 16...which makes me thankful that some of those messages my mom beat me over the head with finally sunk in and I'm so better for it.

So some of the things that I am thankful for are trivial (like the whole candles thing...) and truly I am thankful for Lipscomb and even the food, which is pretty good and hey, it keeps me alive. And when the showers that have the best water pressure and heat are all full, and I have to use the not as good ones, I am reminded that I MUST be thankful that I can take a shower each day, even multiple times a day. This is a commodity not afforded to the majority of the world's population. I am thankful for all of the things above, but tonight, I am especially overwhelmed with thankfulness for the Lord's faithfulness, to me, his frail daughter.

As the holidays have approached, memories of last year's struggles during this time have surfaced. I remember my frightened, hurt and broken self all to well. For too many days, and far too many nights, even after breaking through the thick of it, I have wrestled with frustration and guilt over those all those rough days. However, a little something has been stirring inside me to look on that struggle with fresh eyes. I may never have the answer to my many questions that can ultimately be boiled down to a single "why", but I can choose to praise YHWH for pulling me through. And holding me in His tight embrace even as I thrashed around trying to run away, cursing His name. Thinking like this brings glory to His name, and fills my heart with love for Him. Right now, I am amazed that he would care so much for me, and how that speaks such volumes of how my Abba views me as His precious daughter.

I realize how much I have grown and matured in the past year, and I am astounded. Even in the past six months. I praise the Lord for continuing to finish the good work he began in me, just like He said He would. The Lord, our God, our Father, our Rock, The Mighty Lion of Judah, our Redeemer IS FAITHFUL.

As I look at the work He has done in me over this short time, I am excited to see what He will continue to do in the future. And remembering His faithfulness eases my sometimes overbearing anxiety. Maybe the antidote to worry is thanksgiving? Seems like something that might just be worth trying.

"Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart." Colossians 4:2

Boys 2 Men

Would I settle for beef jerky when I could have steak? As of right now, I have not had steak in over 2 months, so beef jerky is the closest thing that I can get to steak around this place, but that's not the point...The meaning of this goes a wee bit deeper than the cravings of my stomach, to the cravings of my heart. Will I settle for a boy, when I could have a MAN of God? That's where the beef jerky comes in...the beef jerky is the boy, and the steak is a man, but I guess you could've figured that out. The steak takes longer, but don't all good things take time? I wish that I could take credit for this analogy, but I can't. My sweet house church leader from Ethos had the opportunity to attend a girls of grace conference where Chris Wheeler (okay I forgot his name...I think that's it but Google's failing me! but he has really crazy hair, and talked to my home church about adoption... and forever stole my heart when he called his wife a Guatemama because they had adopted a precious Guatemalan daughter!) spoke and he coined this analogy. Now that I have given due credit to the unnamed man, I'll continue with his wise words. A boy is selfish, a man is courageous. Whoa. Sometimes I don't realize the settling that I commit until someone calls me out on it. How often have I settled? He also called us out on the topic of possession. I do not belong to anyone, not even to myself. I have been bought by the blood of Christ, and I belong to Him, no one else.

Since being at Lipscomb, I have really been challenged by relationships. No mom, I don't have a boyfriend, hear me out! (; It's like swimming in a whole new sea, filled with different fish. And as I look around sometimes I find myself wondering if one of those fish is my future husband. I am entering into the season where marriage is a more realistic thing. These relationships have the potential to last unlike the fickle high school relationships which often burn out with one strong gust of wind. Just as much, well nearly just as much, as I find myself wondering about marriage, I wonder about the absence of it. And I am challenged by 1st Corinthians 7 in which Paul encourages those who are single to remain so. I looked these verses in my study Bible with the extensive commentary (this thing's a brick!) and apparently, it relates more to the state of present affairs at the time of authorship, in specific the intense persecutions of the Christians, but I wonder what Paul would say about today's culture. Would he classify us in a crisis state? Is it wrong of me to write off this passage as being simply historical, and inapplicable to 2011? 

The more and more that I think about these things, I am beginning to embrace the idea of singleness and the immense amount of freedom that offers. Singleness offers me the opportunity to move as God calls, and the opportunity for me to do as I please. As I write this, I am listening to one of the girls down the hall talk to her boyfriend concerned about a wall post on Facebook by another girl...point made. 

But I am still faced with a sense of immaturity in myself. I see that in my inability to imagine how God could work radically through a married couple...take that back. I have seen marriages in which God is not only the foundation but an vital element, but I can't imagine MYSELF in that situation. I still have too many independent woman wild oats to sow.  And while I desire to have high standards for a godly man, my primary concern needs to be becoming the godly woman the Lord has called me to be, to be so focused on him that I am oblivious to earthly pursuits of boys. I need to make sure that I do not have double standards, and I am living the life of a godly woman who deserves a godly man. I'm not there yet. Some days I am successful in my pursuit of womanhood, and other days I regress into a little girl. It's a process. I'm a process, and thankfully God know's what he is doing.

p.s. I am so thankful for God's words of wisdom in Proverbs 31 which gives a picture of a godly woman :) 

Just for Giggles.

So I have realized that all of my posts up until today, have been a little heavy, so I figured that I'd lighten things up around here, because I love to laugh and have a good time y'all! And that needs to be shared with  too!

So the other day I was talking to a friend in the library and realized there was something under my shoe and what was it? Nothing other than a Dove chocolate. No. I did not eat it...that would be gross! But I opened it up and read the saying on the inside of the wrapper aka my favorite part!

How perfect is that? (: It made me smile, and made the homework I was there to do a little less dull.

And while I'm on the subject of scrumptious food, Starbucks has their peppermint mocha back for winter! yumyumyum! I am so thankful for the Starbucks on campus, even if it is fueling my caffine addiction. It's been so yucky and dreary around here for the past few days, and I just want to snuggle up with a cup of hot chocolate and sit by a fire. I have the hot chocolate, but no fire. I guess my heated blanket will have to do for now! 

Oh man even the cup makes me so excited for the holidays! I've had my christmas lights up since the middle of October, and have no intention of taking them down 'til May! I can almost smell the pumpkin bread baking in the kitchen or the cinnamon broom in my house. My stomach is growling, and I am ready for a trip home. Maybe the holiday sentiments are getting to me...I WAS singing "I'll be home for Christmas" yesterday.

I went to McKay's yesterday with my roomie, and after perusing the movies, and then the biology section (yeah, I'm a nerd) I wandered over to the cookbooks and craft section. There are so many things that I want to be: outdoors-y, craft-y, and a good cook. So maybe the detour to the craft section is what prompted me to FINALLY patch my favorite jeans.

It started off really well UNTIL I got my thread all tangled and had to spend 15 minutes trying to untangle it.

Clearly I am not a seamstress...

This is all the headway that I made until I decided, it was so not worth it, and switched to a different color.

The final result....drum roll please!!!!

Patch numero uno! Yep, that's a pair of valentine's day children's sized sleep shorts I had laying around. 

Annnnd number two! Now I realize that I should probably not quit my day job, or take up Family Consumer Science as my  major, but it works! At least from the outside...

Maybe not so much from the inside (;

Yesterday was a great time of fun and laughter, the earlier part of the week were a little more stressful and work filled. And last night was topped off by an awesome time of worship at Sanctuary with great friends. I had invited a friend who had never been, and was a little wary of how he'd like it. He's kind of a hipster, but also kind of southern (One day he'll wear Toms and the next day he'll wear cowboy boots). ...and very hard to read! But he decided to join us, and I was nervous the majority of the way there, concerned with whether or not he would like it. As we moved into worship, those concerns drifted away, and I decided that I was going to worship the Lord no matter who was standing next to me, and no matter what his judgements may be. About halfway through though, I  began to feel a drum beat being played on the chair back. And sure enough there was my friend playing the "drums", head leaned back, totally entrenched in worship. Praise the Lord! As we drove back to campus, I asked him how he liked it, and he said he liked it a lot more than he thought he would! And that he would try to go again with us whenever he could. My heart just sang with joy at hearing those words. I so just wanted him to be able to enjoy this beautiful worship experience that I am blessed to attend each week, and by God alone he did. I am so thankful for the Lord, and His desire to draw us ever closer to Him. And if the Lord can do that with him, then I am confident He will do it with me. Oh man, even thinking about it now, I just want to sing praise to the Lord! (:

48 Hours.

For the first time in my life, I have gone to bed hungry. And while the dreams about burritos that followed as I drifted into sleep were humorous, the pangs of hunger, and mild obsession with food were not. While this was not an experience that I am longing to relive again, I feel that maybe it is necessary. Maybe I should experience hunger on a more regular basis, to understand, if only minimally, what the majority of the world experiences regularly.

My seminar class decided to fast for 48 hours, and as I write this, I am at 39.  Breakfast is literally calling my name. Okay maybe not really, if it was that would be a little freaky. This was my first fast ever. I have had the intent to fast before, but never followed through. But this one I am…Go big or go home, right? While the motivation behind our fast was not entirely spiritual, I think that it is almost impossible to eliminate a heightened sense of spirituality. I hoped to pray myself through the trying moments, and in some occasions, I was successful. In others, I just did more distracting homework. But what I began to realize is that the revelations I was having, overlapped into all areas of my life, academic, physical and spiritual. We were learning about hunger in my psych class, go figure, and studying Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It all began to make sense. If people are hungry, then that is their primary focus. The goal of each day is to survive, and meet your basic needs. We don’t worry  needing to eat or drink, or even for the most part our safety. Our primary concern is acceptance and love and we seek that out in unfulfilling ways, which contributes to the decline happiness levels in the US. I think that Maslow might have been onto something.

I am fully aware that fasting for 48 hours is not a true experience of hunger or poverty; I plan on eating a delicious, nutrisious breakfast as soon as I wake up in the morning. Most hungry people can’t count on that…Last night after studying in the library for way to long, I headed outside and it was FREEZING. I usually run kinda cold, but all  day I had been freezing, and this was just the topper. As I walked out of the library, I was struck by the hoplessness of being homeless and starving. What would I do if put in that situation? The thought of ME being homeless has never really occurred. Quite frankly until this point I have had relatively no input into my living condition. I was born into the wonderful family that I have, and my parents have always worked their bums off providing for me. My mom never let me go to bed hungry. If I was homeless on that cold night, which I’m sure is just a foreshadowing of what is to come, and hungry, I don’t know what I would. Maybe I would pray? Probably either for deliverance, or death. Let me remind you I hadn’t eaten for 12 hours and it was maybe 40 degrees outside. Maybe I am a complete baby (very likely) or homelessness is a deeply serious issue.

Tonight, my house church from ethos and I grabbed some hamburgers and some waters and headed out to the streets of downtown Nashville. We broke up into smaller groups (don’t worry Mom, I had a 6’5’’ guy with me!...yeah I asked how tall he was…) and set out to help those in need. We stopped on the bridge to talk with some men, and their stories blew me away. Mark. He has two daughters and is from SoCal but moved to Indiana to be with family. He lost all he had, a 199 acre farm he bought from the profit of selling his 300,000 house, in a divorce which left him to roam the streets of Nashville. He had a pretty good set-up under some trees by the river until the floods last spring, which left him with out his minimal possessions. Now he is living at a church and working at their kitchen to serve other homeless and needy people. While a warm bed is offered to him, he chooses to sleep outside with sleeping bags in order to keep himself humble. This man is making such an impact on his community, and in light of his efforts, my hamburgers (which he wouldn’t take because he said other people needed them more) suddenly became very insignificant.

Mark. Mike. George. Larry. Bryan. Sharon. These are the names of the homeless that I have met since moving here, but yet there are literally 1000’s more. And they probably go to bed hungry and cold each and every night. And some of these men and women are among the most faithful people I know. Mark holds tight to the knowledge that God DOES have a plan for him, even if he can’t see it right now. Maybe it truly is a blessing to be poor. As for the others who do not know Jesus, I am not sure how I can share the love of Jesus with them, if their basic needs aren’t met. Do they have a reason to hope, because from my point of view, life has dealt them some crummy cards. How can I begin to “minister” to them if I can’t even fathom walking a minute in their shoes.?

I don’t have an answer for this problem.  God, please show me yours.